There is only ONE good thing about the recurrence…You know exactly when it comes. You can feel it in your gut and you can’t be wrong!
I didn’t have any symptoms when I was the first time diagnosed in 2015 with stage IIIc ovarian cancer. That was a shock for me. This time, just a few weeks ago I wasn’t in shock again. This time I knew without having any fancy scans, blood tests etc.
How I felt and how do I feel? I am so disappointed. This summer was a very good time for me. I spent 4 weeks in Poland with my family. Gosh, I felt sooo good. I felt like I was coming back to normality. I still had many side effects of the last year’s surgery and treatment but, to be honest…nothing serious, nothing that I couldn’t deal with. I was so happy, I was enjoying every minute with my family, friends, I was eating fresh fruits and veggies from my mum’s garden, I was swimming in cold, fresh lake with my husband and son, I was picking up and eating blueberries in forest, I was dancing barefoot with my baby boy in garden in the middle of the thunderstorm. I felt fantastic.
Why those moments couldn’t have last longer? Were last year’s events not enough for me?
Obviously, my cancer decided that my body is a nice place to live and with no permission moved in again.
We came back to Ireland. I’ve started to feel low, sad and a bit depressed. I was missing a gorgeous weather and the great time we had.
In weeks’ time I knew there was something coming. In the next 3 weeks, I developed all possible, very bad ovarian cancer symptoms. CT scan and Ca125 markers just confirmed what was obvious. Few small pockets of fluid and a 9,5mm tumor made me feel so sick. I cried. Badly. I was upset, sad, angry and most important…very disappointed. It was only a year, only 12 short months since my last chemo. My surgeon and oncologist were so happy with my outcome. In June I was told I am a healthy person. Don’t get fooled. Cancer is not a fair enemy. It doesn’t play fair. Not at all. It’s sitting quiet, waiting, getting stronger and then boom when you don’t expect. I hate him.
So there we go again! Starting a battle again. Will I win?