Here we go again

There is only ONE good thing about the recurrence…You know exactly when it comes. You can feel it in your gut and you can’t be wrong!

I didn’t have any symptoms when I was the first time diagnosed in 2015 with stage IIIc ovarian cancer. That was a shock for me. This time, just a few weeks ago I wasn’t in shock again. This time I knew without having any fancy scans, blood tests etc.

How I felt and how do I feel? I am so disappointed. This summer was a very good time for me. I spent 4 weeks in Poland with my family. Gosh, I felt sooo good. I felt like I was coming back to normality. I still had many side effects of the last year’s surgery and treatment but, to be honest…nothing serious, nothing that I couldn’t deal with. I was so happy, I was enjoying every minute with my family, friends, I was eating fresh fruits and veggies from my mum’s garden, I was swimming in cold, fresh lake with my husband and son, I was picking up and eating blueberries in forest, I was dancing barefoot with my baby boy in garden in the middle of the thunderstorm. I felt fantastic.

Why those moments couldn’t have last longer? Were last year’s events not enough for me?

Obviously, my cancer decided that my body is a nice place to live and with no permission moved in again.

We came back to Ireland. I’ve started to feel low, sad and a bit depressed. I was missing a gorgeous weather and the great time we had.

In weeks’ time I knew there was something coming. In the next 3 weeks, I developed all possible, very bad ovarian cancer symptoms. CT scan and Ca125 markers just confirmed what was obvious. Few small pockets of fluid and a 9,5mm tumor made me feel so sick. I cried. Badly. I was upset, sad, angry and most important…very disappointed. It was only a year, only 12 short months since my last chemo. My surgeon and oncologist were so happy with my outcome. In June I was told I am a healthy person. Don’t get fooled. Cancer is not a fair enemy. It doesn’t play fair. Not at all. It’s sitting quiet, waiting, getting stronger and then boom when you don’t expect. I hate him.

So there we go again! Starting a battle again. Will I win?

2 thoughts on “Here we go again

  1. Katerina Kapkanova says:

    I hope you win!!!! I found your site when I was looking to find something nice to wear for my mom. I read your story and while reading I felt that you would have the same monster disease my mom has, the same monster that came into our lives and turned everything upside down. My mom was diagnosed Dec 7th with stage 3 Ovarian Cancer, during a cyst removal surgery (blood tests did not show cancer so we thought it was a routine surgery). After her surgery c-scan showed she had a tumor spread to her liver. She just finished her 4th chemo, and we are awaiting for another scan to see if the tumor has shrunk. I wept as I read your story, your incredible surgery, your bravery, your fight! I am so sorry to read this and find out that it’s back, it is just excruciating and so unfair! I wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you beat this monster again! I loved all your scarves and hats, my sister and I will be ordering some for our mom, to help make her feel like a woman again. You look so beautiful in all your videos and pictures, your eyes tell such a story! I wish you healing and many-many more years with your boys!

    • Zaneta Malkiewicz says:

      Hi Katerina,

      Thank you for such a kind words. I’m fighting again having one last chemo session to go (6th). I’m not giving up yet… So sorry to hear about your mum getting this horrible disease as well. My mum had a breast cancer 16 years ago so I know what you and your sister are going through. Wishing her all the luck in the world…

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